Green poop.

The worst combover  and biggest political upset in history.

A misogynist sexist racist dishonest inexperienced bigot celebrity is now the President of the United States.

Uncharted waters.

Someone I thought was a friend, attempting to dictate who I am friends with and what I can and cannot say.

Excused myself from two circles of friends.

A life coach certification.

A calm relationship blooms.

This year has been one of great change and doors closing, windows opening, walls being torn down. The above statements and phrases are what have been swirling in my mind lately, trying to sort out the reasoning, the messages, the lessons to be learned from it all.

Green poop ... at one point this year, I quite literally knew the color of poop of a couple I was close friends with. I was in their home regularly. I signed their marriage license. I scored the highest on a know-the-couple type of game at their wedding shower, above people that had known them all their lives. I'd been over for dinners many times, hung out with them to watch sports, to go out to bars, out for birthdays and celebrations. I was part of the inner circle of a group of regular, nice people all around my age and demographic for a while. But they didn't know me. I knew the color of their poop but they called Zephyr a he. I knew the entire picture of their family dynamic and makeup, the drama with them all, yet, they couldn't be bothered with being on time to meet my family for lunch. They never stepped foot inside my apartment. Never came to meet me on my side of town for a meal or coffee. For hours, I'd listen to long drawn out rants of repetition on subjects I knew little of, but learned to be engaged in conversation for, without once being asked how I was doing, what I'd been up to, and towards the end, why my feelings were hurt or how our friendship could improve since I'd distanced myself. I was on the receiving end of an imbalanced and what my mom would call woppy-jawed friendship. I was the one that compromised my tastes and cravings, accommodated and gave in. Listened and rarely talked. Extended invitations just to turned down. I was expected to be on their timetable, at their whim. To do what they wanted, when they wanted. The day before my birthday, we had plans for the day when I got a text for an invite to the dog park. For years, I'd invited them to the dog park, getting a no in various forms every time. And on this day, when I had other plans and stuck with them, I was met with short remarks. Whaaaaaaat? 

I'd had enough. It was that day that I resolved to step away, to reduce my interaction with anyone that didn't respect me. I've spent my adulthood trying to form relationships, to build a network, to make friends, and at what cost? At the cost of self respect, of being a people pleaser, of being away from other things I wanted to do and being away from my dogs to stare at a television in a loud bar while humans ran into each other in the name of sports. It was that day I said yes to myself, and no to anything less. It's a daily practice, as I'm a people pleaser by nature, to make things "easier." Easier is not better, and better is not always easier. Fuck that shit. Take the long way around. Take the challenging route. Take pleasure in the process, Enjoy the journey. That's why we are here, after all.

********

Today, I feel sadness. I feel mourning, I feel angst, I feel turmoil. A slight twinge of optimism, overshadowed by very real fear and worry for who I am and for who others are, in fear any of us are now targets for discrimination again. We've taken so many steps forward, and now the very likely possibility of blowing those all to shit, of giving power to those that think racism, sexism and bigotry are okay, because the person they voted for, the biggest bully of them all, is now President elect of one of the most powerful countries in the world, as we are told to think it.

What does this all mean? What's this here to teach us? What are the lessons we are to experience and learn from this punch in the gut? How will our children react? What will the world do in response? What does this mean for future generations? Are we all dreaming the same dream, waiting to be woken up by our alarm clocks to learn that it was all a joke, a nightmare, a ploy and that the other wing of the same bird, Hillary Rodham Clinton actually made history? Republican, Democrat or otherwise, this isn't about the left and the right, this is about what's right and wrong, about supporting an openly dishonest person with the worst hair you've ever seen. He's on trial soon for rape charges. He has openly said he wants to **** his own daughter. He believes women are possessions and climate change is a hoax, created by the Chinese to foil us all.

While I don't think HRC is the greatest of all candidates, she was the lessor of two evils this go round, as elections tend to go. And now we are left with the most evil joke of all, Donald Trump. People are literally sick over this. It's felt in our guts, in our hearts. Intuitively, instinctually, instantly. This isn't an overthinking thing, it's not an intellectual war we can wage with ourselves. People genuinely fear for their lives now, because of one man's elected power that suddenly gives a power to his supporters to be racist, discriminatory, violent in wide swaths in the name of "Trump's America." Stop that shit. Be the protection for those that need it. Step in and make a difference in someone's life.

What this does show us is that we all care, and that a single voice does make an impact. We all carry our own power and right to be heard, right wrong or indifferent.

You can do what you set your mind to. We all have that in us. Clear the bullshit and get to it.

Live good, live well.

The Organic Catalyst