Communicate From Your Gut With Your Heart
Sitting at Jo's Coffee Shop in Mount Pleasant, Texas for the morning and I've just realized the way I talk to my dogs and explain things so thoroughly to them, comes from the manner in which my parents didn't give me the trust and respect enough to talk to me about everything. When I'd spend time with my dad and stepmom, we'd do stuff and I never had a fucking clue where we were going, what I needed to wear or when we'd eat. They just talked amongst themselves without cluing me in. I like to know things. I'm okay with the unknown, but there are certain basic respects and pleasantries that are needed for good, happy living. I remember going to a rodeo once with them, and I was in Levis and Adidas shoes. I was mortified walking in dressed like that. I was raised on a horse, I learned to ride before I could walk. Dressing appropriately for the occasion and event and crowd has always been my thing, and that evening, it was out of my control. I didn't even enjoy myself, I felt like I stuck out like a sorer thumb than usual.
Since I don't have human children, my dogs are my children and I treat and raise them as such. I very much respect their dogness and their doggie needs, but also respect their souls and their intellect enough to communicate with them about what's going on, why we do things the way we do, where we are going, when it's bedtime, when I'll be home, what we're having for dinner, near-term plans and everything else they need to know. I encourage them to do things on their own, (like Sully learning to get his ball from under the sofa 100 times per day), with the safety and loving understanding that I will do anything for them.
This morning, we were up at 5 so we could be out early to drive Zephyr to my childhood family vet for a minor surgery to have a little skin tumor removed. Last night, I explained to her what our plan is for today for about the 5th time in the last few days, and reiterated how much we love her and that everything will be good and we will get some yummy chicken and rice to eat for a few days after. I explained to her what's going on for the day so she is aware of what's happening, where I'll be, and what time I will pick her up. She listens with the most focus and intention, cocking her head to the side and perking her ears as I talk and ask her questions. She gets it. She understands. She receives messages and communicates back. Not in the same way you & I do, but in the more natural and basic language of telepathy. Does anyone you know listen to you with such focused attention and love, hanging on your every word? Challenge for you to start today: practice this intensity of listening when others are talking.
We all have this ability of telepathy we've just conditioned ourselves out of using it over a few thousand years as spoken and written language have evolved. Dogs communicate all the time like this, it's their natural language. We teach them our spoken language, sign language and they learn our body language. Hundreds of years of domestication is now in their blood, making them literally man's best friend. And we are their best friend. We are their life, their one true love, their world. We have work, friends, hobbies, family, phones, TV, traveling, shopping, stuff ... they have us. Do you know the feeling of being in love with someone? Our dogs feel that, every day of their life with us, for us.
I can "hear" when Zephyr tells me their water bowl is empty. I can "hear" when she is telling me she needs to go outside. Hear is a strange term, it's more of a 6th sensation. Dogs are completely honest in their needs and wants. They get sleepy, they sleep. They want belly rubs, they show you their belly. They want to play, they play. They need to potty, they tell you they need to go outside. They don't like something, they clearly communicate in various ways. They do like something, they clearly communicate it with smiles and tail wags and body language. They stretch when they wake, they drink plenty of water, they eat when they get hungry and stop when they're full. If we understand their honest and pure nature, we don't question these things, we let them be and accommodate their needs.
Humans are far more complex. We have so many emotions and egos to work with, to try to break down and communicate with, to try to understand and hear. Feelings get hurt, usually from lack of clear communication, relationships end and fights begin for all the same reasons ... couples spend thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours with therapists to get to the root of problems: communication. We're afraid to hurt someone's feelings by stating our own. We're afraid to say too much, for fear of feeling vulnerable and exposed. We overstate things out of lack of respect for someone that might be sensitive and unready for the message they hear.
Creating safe containers in relationships is vitally important to form a firm base to feel open, safe, secure, loved, respected, heard. This is where you get watered and growth happens in a healthy manner.
Be the door, not the door mat.
Keep on keepin' on
The OC
Since I don't have human children, my dogs are my children and I treat and raise them as such. I very much respect their dogness and their doggie needs, but also respect their souls and their intellect enough to communicate with them about what's going on, why we do things the way we do, where we are going, when it's bedtime, when I'll be home, what we're having for dinner, near-term plans and everything else they need to know. I encourage them to do things on their own, (like Sully learning to get his ball from under the sofa 100 times per day), with the safety and loving understanding that I will do anything for them.
This morning, we were up at 5 so we could be out early to drive Zephyr to my childhood family vet for a minor surgery to have a little skin tumor removed. Last night, I explained to her what our plan is for today for about the 5th time in the last few days, and reiterated how much we love her and that everything will be good and we will get some yummy chicken and rice to eat for a few days after. I explained to her what's going on for the day so she is aware of what's happening, where I'll be, and what time I will pick her up. She listens with the most focus and intention, cocking her head to the side and perking her ears as I talk and ask her questions. She gets it. She understands. She receives messages and communicates back. Not in the same way you & I do, but in the more natural and basic language of telepathy. Does anyone you know listen to you with such focused attention and love, hanging on your every word? Challenge for you to start today: practice this intensity of listening when others are talking.
We all have this ability of telepathy we've just conditioned ourselves out of using it over a few thousand years as spoken and written language have evolved. Dogs communicate all the time like this, it's their natural language. We teach them our spoken language, sign language and they learn our body language. Hundreds of years of domestication is now in their blood, making them literally man's best friend. And we are their best friend. We are their life, their one true love, their world. We have work, friends, hobbies, family, phones, TV, traveling, shopping, stuff ... they have us. Do you know the feeling of being in love with someone? Our dogs feel that, every day of their life with us, for us.
I can "hear" when Zephyr tells me their water bowl is empty. I can "hear" when she is telling me she needs to go outside. Hear is a strange term, it's more of a 6th sensation. Dogs are completely honest in their needs and wants. They get sleepy, they sleep. They want belly rubs, they show you their belly. They want to play, they play. They need to potty, they tell you they need to go outside. They don't like something, they clearly communicate in various ways. They do like something, they clearly communicate it with smiles and tail wags and body language. They stretch when they wake, they drink plenty of water, they eat when they get hungry and stop when they're full. If we understand their honest and pure nature, we don't question these things, we let them be and accommodate their needs.
Humans are far more complex. We have so many emotions and egos to work with, to try to break down and communicate with, to try to understand and hear. Feelings get hurt, usually from lack of clear communication, relationships end and fights begin for all the same reasons ... couples spend thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours with therapists to get to the root of problems: communication. We're afraid to hurt someone's feelings by stating our own. We're afraid to say too much, for fear of feeling vulnerable and exposed. We overstate things out of lack of respect for someone that might be sensitive and unready for the message they hear.
Creating safe containers in relationships is vitally important to form a firm base to feel open, safe, secure, loved, respected, heard. This is where you get watered and growth happens in a healthy manner.
Be the door, not the door mat.
Keep on keepin' on
The OC